What was my biggest mistake?

I've recently learned that my biggest mistake is that bad habit of not believing someone when they tell me their truth at the beginning of a relationship.

Thinking ‘that isn't right’ or ‘I'm sure I can help’ or ‘together we can make it right’ or some such conceit.

So: if I had listened to my first husband when he told me his goal was to go mad, then when he threatened suicide: if I'd paid attention and said to myself: do I really really want to have children with this man, given what his goals are?

I would have said no, and moved on to have my children with someone healthier and happier. Instead I loved his neediness, his brilliance and creativity and thought I could change his goals. I thought I wouldn't believe him because he might think those things but - surely with me as his wife, that wouldn't necessarily happen, right?
Wrong. and it took me a long time to realise that I could do nothing to help this man. Love didn't heal his hurts, intelligence didn't change his goal, working together did nothing but give him a tiny space to feel safe in. He still acted out, made life hell, drank heavily, smoked and was out of control.
So I had to leave to save myself from that train wreck.

Now my grandchildren have a mad grandfather and I'm sad about that, because its my fault for not believing him.

PS: he has good reasons for his bad behaviour: he's an abuse survivor who refuses to look at what happened to him.

Check out this Book: Sexual-Abuse-Child-Sexual-Abuse-True-Stories

Comments

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